DEAR JUDY
by ShOULDi
Summary: From Monica to her mother. A letter that says her feelings. And something that we didn't know about Monica that Only Rachel knew. Please R


**WELL. HERE iS ANOTHER FANFiC. MAYBE JUST A ONE SHOT. i DON'T KNOW YET. **

**iTS A LETTER TO JUDY FROM MONiCA. JUST WHEN JUDY DiES.**

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"At first. I didn't know what to say," I began. It was the speech. It was my speech. I was going before Ross. I didn't want them hearing Ross and be too byssy crying on his speach than listening to mine. But right now. It seems like it that topic didn't matter anymore. All that matters is that I tell my side of the story.That's what is important to me. As I look down at the crowd. I see Ross. My brother. I see my father. I see Richard, with some very YOUNG if i may add. All of them. Tears flowing down their eyes. My dad didn't want to give a goodbye. I thought I didn't at first. But I know I do... As I paused. Rachel looked at me and smiled. She didn't have tears in her eyes. She knew my secret. She knew. Then. I knew I just had to continue.

"I thought about a long speech wanting people to cry. But then. I realized. I didn't need a long speech. A friend told me that all I had to do was get watever was in my heart. Whatever was in my head out on a piece of paper. I thank he for giving me that advice. and now. I will read this letter to all of you. Just selective part that I know may tell you of what I realized as I was writing this, Mom. No love. Just pain. Just anger. Just tears waisted. Crying. I can't do it anymore. For my heart. You partly turned it into a cold hard stone. I don't hate you for what you have done. For as I finsih this letter. I knew Rachel as right. That what you did. That made me the better person I am today. And. I never thought I would be saying this. But Judy. THank you. Thank You. So much. For you see. If you hadn't done those things. I would never have bee in the right attitude to meet the friends I have today. Please. Rest in Peace. See you. I know I will. And. Whenever you watch over Ross. Or pick on me. I'll be missing those days. I thought I wouldn't. But. It's the little things that count. The critisizm that made me into a better person. The picking on and placing all the love on Ross. It didn't make me bitter. It made me happy." I know I'm out of topic. I knew I skipped those things that were suppose to make these things make sense. But. Atleast I got everything out of me... It was all I could think of... As I sat back down not finishing the complete speech and as Ross made his way up the microphone. I thought about what the hell was I doing saying those things. Then I look back... Back to the time...

_"Honey, I'm really sorry. I came here as soon as I could," Rachel said comforting Ross. He, unlike I, loved HIS mother. Me. I just. I don't know. I completely, HATE HER. Rachel knew that my mother didn't play an important role in my life. My mother often played the role which is played by Cruela DeVille of the Wicked Witch or even Alexandra from Corazon Partido. She was the one that was hated. The one that was liked only because she made people misserable. That wasn't completely true. She only made me misserable._

_"Hey Mon, are you alright?" Chandler asks me. I just wanted to slap his face. OFCOURSE! I am alright. Doesn't he know? I thought he did. Well. Just in case that he needs to get reminded. That woman lying dead on the floor made my life hell._

_"Ofcourse! I mean. Another one of those. You think I'm trying to cover whatever feelings that I have because I always hated that woman there. I am not! I hate her! To this day. I HATE HER!" I told him. I told him so loud that people started to stare at me. Rachel just came up to me. She looked at me deep in the eyes and smiled._

_"You still do hate her don't you? After all what she done to you. She treated me like a daughter. She treated you like... Well... Just. Nobody. I understand how it feels," Rachel told me. I just smile at her. I knew she would understand me. She was there when this witch was torturing me. She was there when..._

_AFTER  
_

_"Mon, Ross just called. He said that you need to write a speech about your mother," CHandler said just after he hunged up the phone. He thought that I would be able to tell the world all about this woman. It would be easier if he knew the secret like Rachel did. No. He can't know about it. He'll just. Feel... He'll just feel sorry for me._

_"Okay. I'll try. But, I won't promise," I told him going into the guest room taking my phone out. I knew I had to talk to someone about this. The only person who I can talk to about it was, Rachel. I just dialed her number and Emma's sweet voice came inside and told her her mom was cooking. 'Rachel is cooking. I feel so sorry for Ross' I thought. Then I heared Rachel ask Emma who was on the phone and Emma said it was me._

_"Rach? Yea. I really. Yea. Thanks." I said. Rachel told me to meet her at the park. There was a place there. The place where me and Rachel shared everything with each other. That's where I told her. That's where she found out about it. That's where she started to get the knowledge and knows more about me, than ANYONE in the whole world. That's when I told Rachel Karen Green that..._

_just giving you suspense. D_

_That's when I told her what happens at home. My parents. Beating me up... Well. My dad not really. But, my mother. well. she was. I don't know anymore._

_"Rach?" I asked as she turned around at the sound of my voice. She looked at me deep in the eye. I knew she saw the hurt and the hate because she smiled at me. That smile. I knew that I could trust her._

_"Mon. What's up?" She asked me. I knew and she knew that the topic was going to be the one unspoken for about 15 years or so. That topic._

_"Rach. You remember don't you? About that bruise? About those marks you asked me when we were at school. I just. Well. Your roomate..." I said being cut by her._

_"Wants you to talk about your mother in a great way that everyone will remember her with." Rach said finishing my sentence. She must've known that It's hard for me to talk about my mother in a great way. She knows._

_"I guess," She contnued,"That, you should. Write a letter. About how you feel about her. You know. Just like that letter you wrote when you had second thoughts about, well, about telling me your secret. Write her a letter tell her every single thing you feel in your heart. Every single pain. Every single hate. And. That very little hope that you have reconciling with her. Write to her. About everything. About anything. Just as if she was a diary. Tell her." _

_I knew. I knew that she was right. Rachel always was my shrink. She would help me with anything. She would help me with everything. She understood me in such a way that I feel like she's sidekick. Kinda like Phoebe. But, its was more like sister-best-friend situation. It was more like she had my heart and was observing it from my eyes and the tone of my voice. Just like when she has a problem. I am with her._

_"Thanks Rach. I think Ross and Chandler may be worried about us now. So. I think we better go." I told her. We stood up from the bench and started to walk back to the direction where we live. It was quiet. For the seceral moments that we were walking back. Before we took out seperate way though, I told her how thankful I am. I told her how much I love her being here for me like a sister. _

_I walked in the purple apartment that Chandler and I were living in again. Weschester. It wasn't really where we belonged. Joey moved out and now We own that place too. It's where Jack and Erica's room were. Letting go of the past wasn't easy for us. Neither is it easy now to do what I have to do._

_"Where were you! Jack and Erica are in our room looking all over for you!" My husband said greeting me. I gave him a look to make him shut up and make the little kids to go to sleep. I just go inside the guest room and took out the stationary I have been saving. It was given to me by Chandler's mother. She told me that it had a MONICA look to it._

_I stared at the blank stationary. I didn't know where to start._

_Dear Judy_

_It was all I could say. I thought for a moment. I thought about the conversation I had with Rachel earlier. I thought about the time where. She beat me up so bad. My whole face was swollen. The only thing I could do to match that was to eat so much that people think I just gained weight. Here come the reason why I ate all those Girl Scout cookies..._

_I know you probably don't remember. But. I knew you hated me from the day I was born. I saw the pictures. You were't happy. There wasn't those shine in your eyes like there was when Ross was born... I didn't know that I was that unwanted. But. Thanks anyways for giving birth to me. Because without that. I couldn't have met Rachel. I couldn't have married Chandler. I couldn't have heared the laugh of Jack and Erika. I couldn't have seen the Ross and Rachel story. I couldn't have met Phoebe or Joey. I couldn't have been the person sitting in this empty guestroom bed writing to you. Did you know I hate you? Did you know that everytime you would yell at me. Everytime you would blame me for something that I didn't do. Everytime you would ignore my request and grant the others not thinking of how I might feel about it. Did you know that everytime I had to sit at an awards night. Without a parent there because it just so happens Ross did something better like, got more A's or built a volcano for his school project while on the other hand. I was only second best. I was always the one in last place in your eyes. When I finally got your attention. It would only be when I did something OVER THE TOP. Like. When, when I rode on Chi-Chi making her break her leg. You got mad at me and hit me with the slippers and the belt. My face got swollen. I didn't know what to do. I was so fat by then that I didn't know if I should eat more or how was it even possible for my face to be swollen because I've gained so much weight. Do you know how much pain you caused me? Do you know? Just by. Ignoring me. Just by giving all the attetion whatsoever to Ross. Just one step he takes. All of you are AWED at that sight! I don't get it! Why? Do you remember. That day. You got so mad at me. You threw me out of the house? You told me to get lost. Just like a lost cat I wandered around looking for a home. Did you know howmuch that hurt me? Do you... Well. I'm sure you remember. Those many times that you threaten me. THose may times where I come to school all happy but it turns out that I'm dying inside? Did you even know what kind of trauma you got me through? Well. No? It was only Rachel who knew. Only. Her._

_Im going to cut this letter short. Jack is crying and Erika is driving Chandler nuts. So. I just want you to know. THe burn stain. I still have it. As a sign of something you told me beingLOVE. _

_fuck you! I hate yoU! I thank GOd that you died!_

_monica_

_I ended it there. I knew even with those. Very small memories. It gave me a flashback everytime I thought of a memory. A harsh one for that fact. But. Just looking at my childhood. I know those are all painful memories. I shouldn't be stressing myself out of this. I know. I shouldn't. I'm not MONICA THE UNSUCCESSFUL ONE anymore. I AM MONICA, THE ONE WHO SURPASSED IT ALL..._

_Then. I began to take another piece of paper. I thought about writing a speech. But. I stopped before I could write anything. All I wrote was... GOODBYE JUDY._

I knew. I had closer. It might not be a permanent one once my friends start to ask me what that THING she did was. But, I was now comfortabe talking about it. I knew that. For a fact. I finally had what i wished for so long. To say goodye to all those bad memories of my childhood. to burry them in the grave. Burry them so that I wil never get to see or hear them repeat in my memory again...

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**SO. DO YOU GUYS LiKE iT? i HAVE ONE LiKE THiS FROM RACHEL. A LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO AFFECTED HER LiFE. A LOT. PLEASE R&R. i REALLY APPRECEAT IT IF YOU DO.**


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